New Seasons of the Witch

So my girlfriend and I were at the New Seasons Market located on the corner of NE 33rd and NE Killingsworth on the afternoon of Sunday January 22nd, at right around 2.30pm. The parking lot was overflowing with automobiles and the store itself was mobbed. I did a quick look around and I think I've got the group pinned down, demographically speaking...

-97% voted for Kerry.

-2% voted for Nader

-1% voted for Bush.

-63% of the males between the ages of 20 and 44 were sporting beards.

-7% of the males between the ages of 20-25 wished they could sport a cool beard.

-23% of the vehicles in parking lot were Volkswagons, 23% were Subaru Outbacks, 17% were Volvos, and 19% were SUVS.

-100% of those driving SUVS felt at least somewhat guilty about it.

-21% of the cars had bumper stickers reading either "All those who wander are not lost" or "Attack Iraq? NO!"

-Only 15% of the shoppers were going to watch the NFC Championship game between the Seahawks and Carolina Panthers later that afternoon. Compare that to the 52% of Safeway shoppers who were planning to watch the game.

-27% had read the New York Times already that morning, while 64% had finished reading the Sunday Oregonian.

-78% either owned at least one book by Michael Moore or had seen his latest movie.

-91% had at least one of the following CDs at home. Hang On Little Tomato by Pink Martini, Norah Jones' self-titled debut, or Graceland by Paul Simon.

-Only 29% had attended any sort of church that morning.

-But 93% would describe themselves as "spiritual".

-37% had smoked pot at least once in the last month.

-9% had smoked pot at least once in the last hour.

-2% were currently smoking pot on their employee breaks out back behind the dumpster.

-18% bemoaned the "negative energy" created by such a crowded store.

So if this sort of crowd is your crowd, you know where to be next Sunday...

Peace
Marcus Singer